Blackmail
by Accio-Underwear
Summary: ONESHOT The boy beat him to it though, “Do I know you?” He asked, completely ignoring the fact that as soon as he walked in, he was introducing himself to the kid. “You look familiar.”


_Disclaimer – I do not own South Park_

_I've recently noticed that all of my oneshots are based on Cartman. Well, this one won't help my…issue._

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Large quizzical eyes peered up at him just under the yellow bring of his snow hat. Dripping yellow gloves were held round chubby pink hands, coat still buttoned and shows growing a puddle of snow around the boy. The boy's eyes flickered down to his offered hand and an eyebrow raised; his mouth slightly opened as the boy's thought processes worked.

The boy beat him to it though, "Do I know you?" He asked, completely ignoring the fact that as soon as he walked in, he was introducing himself to the kid. "You look familiar."

"I-"

"Oh yes," the boy started again, "You look quite a bit like a kid I go to school with…A first grader I believe…" He finished that musing in a tone that told him the boy knew. The boy knew exactly what was going on, unless of course, he convinced the kid otherwise.

"Listen, kid, I get what you're trying to say, but I don't have any children." He stated matter-of-factly, "Now, I'm going to go check on your mother…" He excused himself, turning his back and starting to step towards the kitchen, knowing full well that the woman he claimed he was going to check on was actually upstairs.

"If you don't have any children, then why were you and that sweet little girl at the merry-go-round at the county fair?" The boy asked, "Or that trip to see that new kid's movie last week?" The boy was smirking now, knowing full well he'd one this battle since the man, the intruder on the boy's life had paused mid-step, looking frozen, "Better yet, what about that bedtime story you read to her just before you came here?"

The man turned, staring at the boy, the innocent looking chubby boy who was too damn smart for his own good, "How…How did you…"

"It's a shame she didn't get that second bedtime story. But maybe she and her Mommy would enjoy this picture book I'm making. Its all about adultery and ruined lives," The boy hummed slightly, "I can't really see a happy ending happening in it though…" His eyes flickered to the man again, "What do you think?"

There weren't many options to work with. This boy was threatening to ruin his life but murdering him wouldn't work. Afterall, his mother knew that he was here and the police would easily find DNA and blood splatter and such. That wouldn't look good to his wife and daughter either. With a sigh, he decided that he'd just have to play along with the kid's game or do the honorable thing. And the woman upstairs was way too hot and way too loose to pass up.

"What do you want from me?" He asked, eyeing the boy warily.

"A hundred bucks an hour," The boy stated quickly, coldly, and professionally. "I will start timing you as soon as you agree. Disagree and your family will be broken up, your good name soiled and well…you'd be a jackass either way."

It took a moment to register before he sighed and agreed. He'd have to hit the ATM before going on the date and pull out a good amount of money. He'd probably throw in an extra hundred, just to make sure the kid shut up.

"Oh, Eric!" The woman, his date, finally came downstairs, wearing a long and warm jacket, unknown to him and, hopefully, the boy that she wasn't really wearing much underneath. "I'm sorry this is on such short notice, but you're going to your little friend Stan's house for dinner. I'll pick you up when I'm done with my date."

The boy, Eric, radiated innocence as he ran, or waddled, to his mother and gave her a tight hug, grinning at the houseguest as he did so. It was a grin that promised something like 'though you can't see me, I'm everywhere' and caused the man to shiver slightly in fear. This kid held his future in his chubby little hands after all.

"Alright Mom," He cooed as he tugged his gloves back on, "See you two after the date and have fun." With one last look to the man, Eric marched out of his house and started off towards his friend's house.

Liane Cartman looked at her date, a pleasant smile on her face, "Isn't he such a sweet boy?"


End file.
